But being a left-brained, logical, software engineer, ignore the feeling I did. Life continued. However, if you leave a cancer unattended, it will grow, it will fester, and it will hurt you more later on if you leave it for too long.Donald
I’ve been up since 5AM. The usual time I wake up. A storm had just passed through for the past hour and a half while everyone is snuggled up in bed this morning. I start my daily morning ritual, it’s my victory hour, and this time is for me.
The Software Engineer Journey – Here We Go!
I don’t know how you got here, but I am humbled to have you. Perhaps through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin, or the typical Google Search (if so, I’m doing SEO right).
I’ve been pondering about how to write and grow this blog of mine for the last couple months. Since I’ve just finished recording my WordPress course, this time presented itself as the opportune moment to stop procrastinating and take action.
Is that something you struggle with? Procrastinating? Taking action?
Procrastination, it’s something that I struggled with deeply during my college years. However, that’s a story for another time. Right now, I want to tell you what this blog is going to be about (and hopefully, with fingers crossed, you would join my email list to get updates).
I’ll be frank with you; I’m not a professional writer AND LIKELY, neither are you! But I think you and I do share something in common. You eat, sleep, and poop just like I do!
Jokes aside, if you’ve made it this far in this post, then I’ve really done a good job because there are a million other things that can take your attention at any time now – but I have your attention. I thank you for that – heavens, why am I speaking like some hobbit out of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings.
Okay, let’s get back to it.
These posts will be told in a story format (as best as I can tell a story – I should be able to do that since I read a lot). I will interweave my life journey, experiences, and the ups and the downs. As well, I will sprinkle in lessons and experiences from historical figures when I can because I find certain historical lessons invaluable (I told you, I read a lot).
Is This A Blog For Software Engineers?
I am a software engineer by professional title, but if you get to know me, and you will, you’d find that I have varied interest in many other things. I don’t know if it’s fortunate or unfortunate, but I get bored easily.
That being said, as above, I will interweave my life experiences and a big chunk of my life had been and is still spent on programming. So, the stories will lean towards programming (but it will be catered to the life aspect – and that’s applicable to all of us).
There will be life tips, career tips, and some other tips that I don’t have a name for yet. But don’t worry; I will strive to categorize them so they are easy enough to find.
I’m Not Your Coach, I’m Not Your Guru, I’m Your Friend
Hey Donald, have you ever thought of being a coach? – A friend
Actually several friends I’ve helped or inspired. But no, please don’t call me your coach, your guru, or mentor. It just doesn’t sound right to me right now. You can call me sensei or sifu or some other word for teacher in another language I don’t understand.
Like every other foreigner, I’ll just smile and nod. Actually, I think only easterners do that, correct me if I’m wrong.
Wow, I can’t believe you’ve read this far, but if you did I’m glad I’m doing my job right.
You have probably experienced heartbreak, betrayal, and loss right?
…And maybe more than once?
…And now you’re less trusting of people, you may require certain conditions to be met before you’re willing to open up again.
Because you were hurt once (and maybe one too many times) and it SUCKED, and you don’t ever want to go through that again.
But, the fact is, you’re not the only one who has been through such experiences. I have, a lot of the friends that I’ve helped had and now that you’re my friend, I hope you can take a few things that helped me and see if it helps you.
Man Donald, you kind of drove a car through a store window there and went pretty deep.
Yes, well. I like to be blunt. But tactfully blunt, because it got your attention and I like to study neuroscience, psychology, marketing, and sales for fun. As well, I’m trying to keep this first post entertaining so that you’d subscribe to my blog and my weekly email newsletters.
It’s a pretty lonely world out there, don’t you think?
I don’t want to sound negative and humdrum, especially in the morning! But, it’s not NEWS to you. It’s very common in our present day era of social media and technology.
Didn’t you have times when you were surrounded by friends and family all the time, or maybe you were in a relationship, or married, but all that you felt was that you were just alone?
1. Did you ever feel like those around you didn’t understand or know you at all?
2. Did you ever feel like you just couldn’t “connect” to people easily or well?
3. Did you ever feel as if you’re just wearing a mask all the time for appearances and that you’re exhausted from it?
It’s my observation that you aren’t the only one. I feel it, your best friend feels it, and your sibling feels it. It’s more natural than you think. There is no one that is going to understand and know you better than yourself.
But, as I’ve discovered, the majority of us are lying to ourselves and until we “do the work” and clean out the skeletons in our closet, those skeletons will continue to haunt us for the rest of our lives.
The Double Negative For Your Average Software Engineer
For programmers, a double negative makes a positive. The false of false is true. If I forgot my kid at the store (authors note: I don’t have a kid, just for the purposes of an example) and that’s false, then that means I remembered my kid (hooray!) and if that’s false, then that means that the truth is I did forget my kid at the store!
Some of you parents that maybe reading might be thinking “Leaving my kid at the store. That sounds like a great idea right now…”
Let’s keep leaving your kids at the store in your imagination, it’s an immediate relief, but the long-term trauma is detrimental to society.
As a software engineer, my entire life until around 2018 had been pretty logical. Emotions, feelings, empathy, and compassion were all pretty foreign for me.
If by now you’re thinking, “Wow dude, that really sucks. Really?”
I’d answer, “Yes, it really did suck. Really.”
Imagine when you’re dating without that framework and foundation of understanding emotions, feelings, empathy, and compassion.
Did you imagine it yet? How did it look? Crazy? Tumultuous?
Yeah, that’s exactly how a lot of intimate relationships were for me. At some point or another, there would be that gut-level feeling or instinct that the person I’m seeing isn’t what they seem, it just doesn’t feel right… (Life tip: trust your gut)
Have you had this feeling before? What did you do? How did it affect the other aspects of your life?
But being a left-brained, logical, software engineer, ignore the feeling I did. Life continued. However, if you leave a cancer unattended, it will grow, it will fester, and it will hurt you more later on if you leave it for too long.
Is It Just Me? Nobody Understands Me…
No, don’t get too full of yourself, you special little snowflake. It’s not a software engineer thing, it’s not a doctor thing, it’s not a drug dealer thing, and it’s not a janitor thing…
You get the idea.
I can say after much studying, that my belief is that, the majority of the population, in some shape or form, will ask themselves “Is it just me that’s like this? I feel like nobody understands me”.
Actually, that’s the best thing to happen. Think of all the ways you find yourself annoying, those brainless things you do, that after reflection makes you ask “What the heck?” you don’t realize it at first because you’re the one doing it, but after thinking about it, it gets on your nerves.
I used to have this obsessive compulsive disorder tick where when I opened a cupboard, I need to open and close it just until I felt that it’s closed right. So, I would stand there for five minutes and kept opening, closing – banging on the cupboard door. Most people would find that SUPER annoying, HELL, EVEN I FOUND IT SUPER ANNOYING. I would remember thinking to myself, “Why am I doing this?” Okay, you can laugh now.
Now, imagine there’s another one of you that “understands” you, that has the exact same tick. You walk into the kitchen, and coincidentally, he’s shutting the cupboard door, but it doesn’t feel right to him, it doesn’t feel closed. So, he’s standing there for five minutes opening and closing – banging the cupboard door.
* You pick up the hunting rifle *
“You’ve lived a long and fulfilling life, friend.”
Never thought of how annoying it is to have someone that “completely” understands you in that fashion, have you?
Now at this point, you must realize that it’s such a blessing to be some sort of a mystery. That part of you that people doesn’t completely comprehend. That’s what makes you attractive, unique because the fact is, if you’re an open book, what do we do when we finish a book? We close it and never go back to it again (unless it’s a self-help book, I go back to those time and again).
Nobody understands you because you’re a software engineer? Ha! You joke because I’m a software engineer too and that’s a belief that I just don’t align with.
The truth is, and this is a HARD truth, there is nobody in the world that will “fully” understand you. Not your friends, not your parents, not even your spouse! (Excuse me, last I checked, the divorce rate in the USA is 60%). That’s reality.
Even you don’t fully understand yourself, that’s why personal development and self-help is estimated to grow to $13.2 billion dollars by 2022! People are complex animals; there are layers upon layers. Rather than thinking of ourselves as higher order primates, I think we’re more like onions. We have layered personalities, sometimes we kind of smell, and when we get too close to another onion, we can make each other cry! Don’t you agree?
So what are you getting at Donald?
I’m just getting to the point that it’s not just you, it’s not because you’re a software engineer, or a doctor, or a janitor, or a worldwide DJ, it’s just that nobody can fully understand who you are. Even you don’t know who you are. You only know a part of yourself. Mind blown, yet?
This Blog Is For Everyone Ready
Like above, not just for software engineers. I mean, I work with software engineers, do you know how annoying it’d be if I’d have to talk to JUST software engineers on my own blog as well? It’s like opening, closing – banging a cupboard! Queue reloads! Bring the backup-hunting rifle!
My goal with this blog is just to impart a little wisdom, some lessons that I’ve learned. At this point, I realize that the soft skills are just, IF NOT MORE, important than the hard skills. You can program and code, but if you can’t work with a team, you’ll never get hired. You’ll never get promoted.
Thing is, soft skills are not really taught in school. Communication 101? How to attract the right people in your life? Nope!
Side note, if you are bored, go to a networking event at a university, it’s both hilarious and unfortunate with how “networking” is done. But, you can’t blame them, because nobody is taught how to network properly.
Let’s get things straight though, I’m not teaching you. I’m going to offer premium courses that teach, and if you’re in them, that means you’ve given me money, which acts as permission for me to teach you.
When I try to “teach” or “help” people when they don’t ask for it, I feel egotistical and it doesn’t feel good. So, I try my best to impart that.
What I am trying to do, is I’m trying to impart some lessons that I hold true in my current point in life, they could be right or they could be wrong, but they are what works for me right now and who knows, it might work for you.
But as much as I’m imparting ideas and lessons to thereby influence your perspectives or way of thinking, your comments, shares, and engagement influences my way of thinking which in turns help me more! So, it’s very much a cyclic cycle of improvement for everyone that’s a part of the Coursehack community.
Oh, just so you know, if you’ve made it this far in this first post…
Then you are PART of the COURSEHACK COMMUNITY.
Alright, that’s it from me Coursehackers.
Let’s continue sharing our way to success,
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